Lesson learned

So in our eagerness to show our little guy to the world, we went to the farm yesterday to meet and greet our church group and our little guy's cousins. He appeared to take it all in ok; with some misgivings we let him be carried and kissed by a few friends/cousins. In hindsight, he was quiter than normal and whinier than normal. End result - nightmare of a night for our Mr Wiggly. He woke up every hour, inconsolabe... not even by his favorite pillow and bottle. He clung to UD and I the few hours he was asleep. He normally wiggles and thrushes around but doesn't necessarily seek body contact while he's asleep... until last night. By 5am, Mr Wiggly and I were up making the rounds around the house with him in my arms the whole time. There was no putting down of my Mr Wiggly. His norm is 5min maybe in my arms or UDs and then it's put me down, put me down. Not this time. I did manage to get him to eat an orange and yogurt before he was back to being clingy again. As much as I loved holding him, I knew this wasn't my normal Mr Wiggly. We got sick of making the rounds around the house so I loaded him in my carrier and walked around the neighborhood to calm him down. This was definitely new for this old first timer parent. Our neighborhood does not see my shadow anytime before 8am...let alone before 7am!
It was a quite walk, yet no sleep for Mr Wiggly. So back in to the house we went.... going round and around our living room and hallway. We ended up back in bed about 8am, both exhausted and my Mr Wiggly finally fell asleep. He woke up about 2pm still not his normal self; walking around the house dazed unless engaged by myself or UD. Needless to say, we missed church today.
I was hoping not to have to write what I'm about to write but in view of last night, it has to be written and said. We are going to have to go in to hibernation for a couple of weeks for our little guy's sake. Even though he is bonding to us quite well, we are still strangers to him and most likely he is still expecting for his umma to be right around the corner. When we feel he may be ready, we are going to have to limit our meet and greet to small groups at a time. And as hard as this is to say and write, we are going to have to ask friends and maybe even family to enjoy our little guy from a distance and from our arms just for a while. We are hoping this won't last very long. We have to establish that we are the primary care givers; that we are now his mommy and daddy forever. We have to gain his trust fully before we can "pass" him around and him not having thoughts of  "am I going to be with different people next time I wake up?" We respectfully ask friends and family to let us do all his baby care for now including feeding, diaper changes, soothing, cuddling, and even kissing. Having said this, we still invite for all to say hi to him and talk to him. He may not be showing it, but he is grieving of so much loss -everything he's known especially his foster family who have shown him so much love.Grieving episodes are intensified by over stimulation, so we need to keep his world quiet and small for his first weeks with us as he begins to bond with his forever mommy and daddy.
When we went to our adoption parenting class a few months back, our SW's first words were, "it's all about your baby" when that baby comes. UD and I thought, "what world does she live in?" "Is she expecting us to be a baby directed family or something? What kind of class is this?" Well, we humbly stand corrected. At least for a while, in the adoption world, it's going to have to be all about the baby... for a while... until we get him through his grieving and transition with us. So many of you have prayed daily for him and we do not underestimate the bond or love you feel for our son. We hope you understand our need for this special time with our Mr Wiggly. Thank you for understading and thank you once again for sharing in our joy! Our love just grows deeper every day for this little guy we have in our home right now.

  Love,

UD and AC

Here are a couple links that might help you understand attachment a little better:

http://attachment.adoption.com/bonding/foundations-of-attachment.html

http://www.a4everfamily.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=section&id=7&Itemid=69