Thoughts and such

All this talk about potty training and how well Wiggly has taken to it, I need to remind myself not to get disappointed when he does have accidents. They are fewer and fewer in between. And if it does happen, he can now stop himself and finish going in the potty. I just cannot get over how much easier clean up is now after #2. Bathroom doesn't stink of poopy diapers anymore. Yay! These days, he can hold his bladder for about 2hours now so long drives aren't as stressful anymore. And when we do have to find a bathroom, it is SO NICE not to have to look for a diaper station. I was very much dismayed at the fact that my favorite ice cream place, (BRAUMS) does not have diaper stations. I still am dismayed but that hasn't stopped me from going to go get ice cream there. I also keep thinking to myself how much harder a work it is with one or two other kids in the household. I don't know that I would be able to be as compulsive as I have been with Wiggly's training. I can see how one would want to wait a little later when the child is able to communicate better and has developed a little bit more dexterity in pulling underwear down and up. Not to mention being able to unbutton/button up and zip up. Since Wiggly isn't quite as adept at either, I've had to make sure to put on elastic shorts on him. And if I do put button up shorts or pants on him, I am more watchful and listening for the words “potty” or “poopy poop.” And we've had to be careful about giving him too much watermelon or any kind of juice. These make him go, go, go literally every 10-15min of #1. Just itty bitty things we've had to learn as PTBC was going on. Enough potty talk.

These days, Wiggly's favorite past time aside from playing with his blocks and trains and reading is hiding under blankets or sheets. He gets such a kick out of it. So we've spent quite a number of time under the sheets these days – just hanging out and whispering the word “hiding” and giggling away. He especially loves it if I let him get under first and I try and find him soon after. Such cheap yet fun entertainment!

Wiggly's been very cuddly these days especially after naps or first getting up in the mornings I've been enjoying the cuddle times so much. He never would have allowed this last year. Last year, he was more content to lay on the floor with his pillow and have us watch him from a distance while he was waking up. Of course once he's fully awake, there is no holding him – for long periods of time.

The few and far between times that he's slept in the bed with us, I've noticed he's more restful – as in no more 180degree moves, less kicking and flailing around. He used to pummel me mostly with his feet. And we just contributed that to the fact that we weren't the same umma and appa he was used to sleeping with. Very normal. These days, he is content to just lay in between us or snuggle with either one of us for the most part of the night. With his Tiddy close by of course. I used to dread the nights when he would have to sleep with us because that was guaranteed a lot less sleep for me. And I LOVE my sleep. I don't dread those nights anymore, but I am first to kick him out of bed. Do not want to start a habit. Do not get me wrong. Having him in bed with us is awesome. Makes me want to stay awake to just enjoy the snuggles. BUT his place is in his bed so there he must stay in the nights.

Since we really have had a very easy transition/bonding process we really haven't had to look too closely for any dis attachment issues. But him giving us more cuddle times and resting more comfortably through the nights with us, just really makes me realize that he did still have reservations with us and it basically took him a whole year to get over that. A whole year! And that's an easy transition.

What am I getting at and why am I thinking such thoughts? Cause we're adopting again of course! It's only been a week since we've gotten our initial paperwork so we're still working on getting those turned back in. But of course my mind is already jumping ahead and thinking about how once again we are going to rock Wiggly's world. I've been joking around and saying how we're working on dethroning Wiggly. But really underneath is more of a fear and concern about how to go about it so as to protect his heart and keep the channels open between us and him. In our home study questionnaire, one of the questions is, “what fears do we have about adoption this second time around.” My answer, aside from the initial bonding and attachment issues, is not being able to address Wiggly's feelings of being displaced. My other fear is of possibly expecting our 2^nd process to be just as good as Wiggly's. Since our attachment and bonding process with Wiggly has been very smooth, I do not want to lose sight of the fact that it could very well be completely the opposite. I need to remember that our next one is his/her own complete, unique self. And of course there is the fear of managing my time more efficiently to be able to meet both kids' needs appropriately and evenly. It goes without saying that we will have another heart to pray for and protect of course.

So what does Wiggly think of being a big brother? Most of the times, he's just kind of laughed it off. This weekend I told him, “hey Wiggly, you're going to be a big brother!” Wiggly's response: “Oh ma-an!” Needless to say, Wiggly is getting tighter than usual hugs from Mommy. Mommy is already grieving over the idea of less one on one time with Wiggly; grieving for Wiggly about the inevitable changes he's going to have to adapt to again. The one good thing is Wiggly seems to be able to adapt to/handle change fairly well. It might take a whole year post 2^nd adoption for a new normal but it'll happen I know.

So, YES we are very excited about having another one. We are even jumping ahead and already talking about traveling plans! HA! Really, we are being cautious and convincing ourselves it'll actually be a longer process since Korea has changed their adoption process just this month. So we are going to be willing guinea pigs this time around. The one certainty about adoption is, you are guaranteed a ton of uncertainties.. such as the length of wait, what kind of child you're getting – seemingly healthy or not. We are hoping for the best of course but we are preparing ourselves like we did the first go around – preparing for the worst. Which brings me back to transitioning – easy vs difficult. We have been so blessed that Wiggly's transition has been smooth and basically a dream come true. And yet, it took him ONE YEAR to fully be comfortable with us. It is very hard for me to grasp how hard and how long it can take for our second child to attach to us completely if we start off with a rough transition. And yet I know God has His hand in all of this; He knows what's ahead of us and I will just have to cling to that fact. So we step out in faith once again … in a big, exciting, roller coaster way. 

11 months ago

 Cousin M has a knack for bringing out the best smiles/laughs from Wiggly.

                             AC